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Relationship Minute: What It Feels Like. (LOVE)
Love is unconditional.
The word ‘unconditional’ means that there are no expectations or limitations set. To love unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most humans aren’t good at that. But true love really does love without trying to change the other person.
Love means putting other people’s needs equal to — or before — your own.
While people may be inherently selfish for survival purposes, this does not serve us well in relationships. If you don’t put other people’s needs at least equal to your own, they will grow resentful. Real love truly, genuinely cares about other people’s happiness and will go to great lengths to make people feel valued.
Love is the highest vibration emotion that there is.
Science has proven that emotions like love and fear have very different vibrations. They can actually measure them. Love vibrates very fast, whereas fear-based emotions (think jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, greed, etc.) vibrate very slowly. When you love completely and unconditionally, there is no fear involved. The vibrations of love make you feel good at all times.
Love requires attention.
Love doesn’t ignore. It doesn’t look the other way. It wants to be present and be together. When people are in love, sometimes they think that they don’t have to “do any more work.” But real love actually enjoys giving attention to another person. It feels good, and doesn’t see giving attention to another person as a chore.
Love understands and accepts differences.
Let’s face it: We’re all different. Even identical twins aren’t exactly the same. They have different experiences and outlooks about the world. Real love doesn’t make other people wrong for being different. When people truly love another person, they accept their differences.
Love varies in how it is expressed and accepted.
What makes us “feel loved” varies. In the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, he explains the different ways people give and receive love: (1) Words (2) Acts of Service, (3) Giving Gifts, (4) Spending Time Together and (5) Touch. It’s important to discover other people’s love language so you can understand each other and give love in a way that the other person recognizes it.
Love makes you feel good, not bad.
Many people confuse being in a relationship with love. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean there is true love present. If there is jealousy, possessiveness, constant fighting, abuse (verbal, emotional or physical), that is not love. Refer back to #6. Those are fear-based emotions and actions.
Love has empathy.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself into another person’s shoes and see a situation from his/her point of view. Love has deep empathy. “When you hurt, I hurt.” People who truly love one another don’t want to hurt them. They want them to feel good. They care about their feelings and try everything they can to make them feel valued and worthy.
Remember, love is happiness, appreciation and feeling good. Anything other than that is not love. If we all loved one another as ourselves, the world would be a better place!
Relationship Minute: What It Looks Like. (LOVE)
Love. It makes the world go ’round, right? Well, at least that’s the how the saying goes. But is it true? It should be, but so many people confuse love with things like jealousy or possessiveness. True love isn’t either of those things.
Love means letting go of expectations.
Sure, we all want people to behave the way we want them to. We want them to be more affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter. Or more ambitious. All of these things are expectations. Expectations are just your requirements for “acceptability” of loving someone. But true love has no expectations. It simply loves “as is.”
Love doesn’t play the victim role or blame others.
Love doesn’t think others are “out to get them.” Love doesn’t think their loved ones are wrong. Love works together. It takes responsibility. It forgives and allows other people’s actions to be their journey. Love doesn’t take things personally.
Love includes letting go.
Love doesn’t equal possession. Just as the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, then it never was.” There is truth to that. Love allows people their freedom. It doesn’t hold tightly and crush their wings in attempt to keep them. True love doesn’t want to possess. It is willing to set you free if you want to be.
Love doesn’t require you to continue a relationship.
You may love someone very much, but you may not be compatible with them. Or they may drive you crazy with their continued disregard for your feelings. You can still love them, but that doesn’t mean you have to be with them. Love doesn’t mean that you have to stay, and stay and stay. You can leave the relationship and love them anyway.
Love has no room for jealousy.
Like possession, jealousy doesn’t equal love. We think that if we’re not jealous of our loved ones that it means that we don’t love them. True love has confidence in the quality of the relationship. It knows that the other person is happy and content coming back to you and only you.
Love is the absence of fear.
You can put all emotions on a continuum. On one end, you have love. Then appreciation. After that, it’s joy, happiness, contentment and satisfaction. On the opposite end of the continuum of love is fear. Other fear-based emotions include, hatred, insecurity, jealousy or greed.
Love is not needing and wanting.
One of the things we try to teach kids is that there is a clear difference between a want and a need. Needing someone is a feeling based in fear. You fear that you can’t live without them, so you need them. And remember, fear is the opposite of love. Wanting someone in your life gives them the freedom to leave, but still shows them you love them.
Love is an action, not just a feeling.
Humans tend to be addicted to intense emotion — especially when it feels good. So, when we’re in love, we want to feel that way forever. But guess what? That higher than “Cloud 9” feeling goes away after a while. That doesn’t mean you don’t love the other person anymore, it just means that it’s not new anymore. So that’s where the action needs to kick in. Show the person you love them. Don’t just assume they know.
I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.
Relationship Minute: 31 years and 1 day. (Life, Bullshit, & Relationships)
I’ve lived the subtitle of this post several times. The title however I can only live once. So how does it feel to be 32 years of age? It’s great. It’s awesome. Not completely where I want to end, but headed down the right street as I say. I’ve fought many battles to make it here. Life’s lessons can strengthen you at your very core, But they can also break you. I’ve learned so much throughtout my short time on this planet, and I’m still learning each day. I would be hard pressed not to thank God for keeping me, restoring me, and preserving me. For the vision is yet to come. I thank my mother for the sacrifice she made because I won’t ever be able to repay her although she keeps telling me I already have. My stepfather for crafting my inner man more than my outter man. To my family, friends, colleagues, and associates along the way. Thank you all. To the lady of my life. Thank you. No really, thank you! You have no idea sometimes but it’s really you, not me, you do it for me babe. Thanks. Last but most certainly first,my kids. “The scholars, karate kids, basketball players, baseball players, dancers, musicians, running daddy around town, eating all my snacks, wasting my juices, leaving stuff on my stairs trying to kill me, but love me to no ends kids.” I love you and I will continue to push you. Even when I’m fussing. I live my life by a simple format. I have an old school mentality with USB ports for new stuff. I have my Three C’s. Character, Conduct, & Conversation. It revels who I am, who’s I am, and what I’m about.
None of us, well at the very least no one I know is exempt from the bullshit of life. Most people have jobs, some attend school, have spouses, boos, boo thangs, and whatever they’re calling it these days. If you live long enough you’ll see bullshit runs down hill at a fast pace. It’s everywhere everyday in every way, shape, form, and fashion Literally! So let’s cut the bull and see it for what it is. Be aware of it, and rise above it. To those men and women who are full of it. (I once was!) just be honest with yourself about it. Let’s not pretend like it just got there when someone smells it on you and calls you out on it. Someone will trust me and you will then be forced to smell it for yourself and won’t be able to ignore it because after all it smells like shit!
Relationships are a combination of life and bullshit with sugar lol. There are different types of relays as I call them. But if you’re young and having fun, do you, Just be honest. If you’re in the middle I’m looking at you with some hope of seeing growth. If you’re older I look to you with expectation and Advice! I’ve found throughout life that advice is an extra set of eyes, a mental eye even. To everyone seeking life and relationship advice, nothing beats experience. Most advice is good because people come from all different walks of life. This doesn’t mean you have to follow it, but listening to it is key. You never know what street life will send you down.
I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.
Relationship Minute: Paperwork!!!
let’s talk about paper! (paperwork that is)
This goes out to the singles, and the dating. Relationship are tricky. The different moods, and attitudes. The day to day grind of the reconnecting, and the easy clear free single life.
Claims
Insurance, and court claims come to mind. I’m dumb founded that since the days of junior high that women and men still go around claiming other people as theirs. Some with the seriousness of an owner. As if they’ve created and/or birthed the person. Your parents have paperwork on you. Birth certificate, ss card, hospital records etc. Schools and employers have files on you saying you’re enrolled and employed there. Cars, boats, and homes have titles and deeds for proof of ownership, retail stores even hand out small pieces of paper to show proof of purchases.
So!!! How is it in dating that we’ve lost sight of the purpose of dating? What dating is all about! It’s courting for the old, hanging for the new, and looking for the middle. However, it’s really just suppose to be fun. It’s before the seriousness of things start. Relax, take it easy. I’ve learned something over the past few years. The thirst is real out there. Before you’re willing to do crazy stuff behind someone only to find that they were not yours to begin with. Dating is like a smooth yet strong drink. Don’t let the smooth taste fool you, Because things can become real ugly real fast. “Trust me, I’m a doctor”, lol. Get your paperwork together.
I’m Hitch.
This Is The Relationship Minute.
Relationship Minute: Baseball Is A Game, Love Isn’t (The side story) Part 1
Baseball isn’t that exciting. Some say “you just have to attend the games”. I do however love the baseball playoffs, as they’re very exciting to me. In general, sports are the fabric of my upbringing. Sunday football, weekday basketball, Saturday college ball, March madness and summertime tennis and golf. Some draw the line there even though over the past two summers I haven’t watched much tennis nor golf. Considering I’m a Spurs fan, I should have had a great summer but like the Spurs I struck out. Last summer I stood there on a full count and let the ball pass me by. Being able to dust myself off and get back to the chip showed off my mental toughness. I made it back, seized the moment, and I am the current champion. However in real life I lost. I loss her. I spent so much time focusing on my goals that I neglected to care about what she really wanted. Not to mention the other things that come with being a champion. Fame, money, and women. The way you handle it will determine if she’ll be in the house with you, or if you’ll be in the big ass house alone. I’m writing but I can hear my echo. Because it’s just me. I f-/-ED up!
That’s it for now.
I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.
Relationship Minute: There Are No SECRET!
What’s the secret to staying head-over-heels in love for the long haul? There are no secrets. I’ve asked many couples across this country about their longevity. Some answers are the same, however most of the answers are different. It’s about what works for you and being able to communicate that. I believe the following strategies to preserve (or improve) your bond:
Openness in all communications between both partners.
Engaging in open communication — i.e., talking about your feelings and encouraging your partner to do the same. Openness define as “conversational self-disclosure” between both partners. During relationship initiation, openness could mean disclosing personal information about yourself or being supportive when your partner does. For couples who have been together for years, it may mean talking about how the relationship has changed.
Approaching every issue from a place of positivity.
The idea that a cheerful smile or playful jab trumps an exasperated sigh is actually true. Rather than saying, ‘I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to put the toothpaste cap back on,’ take a fun or silly approach by putting a sticky note by the toothpaste that says, “Help! I’ve lost my cap.” It’s the playful approach and the positivity in your tone that makes a difference in how your partner perceives your actions. Having a positive outlook helps.
Mutual assurances about spending the future together.
Couples who aren’t married still appreciate knowing their relationship has staying power. Assurance means inspiring confidence in your partner that you’re going to stick around, make plans together. If you plan a vacation, you’re basically indicating that you’re not going to run away between now and when that trip will occur.
Equable division of household chores both partners can agree on.
Although divvying up household responsibilities mostly affects couples who live together, those who plan to cohabitate in the future should discuss what they think is fair when it comes to doing dishes and taking out the trash. Each partner’s perception of this strategy is important to his or her satisfaction and to the quality of the relationship.
Nurturing a shared social network.
Your brother-in-law may be the most annoying person you know, but inviting him to dinner shows that you still care — and that’s a gesture that’s more thoughtful than even the biggest bouquet of roses. Calling your partner’s in-laws, inviting his or her coworkers to dinner or asking family members for gift suggestions for your honey are all good ways to integrate your social lives.
Appreciating your partner’s efforts to keep the relationship going strong is essential.
Appreciating your partner’s efforts is essential for maintaining a happy relationship. Seeing your partner devote the time and energy to making these efforts may have even stronger positive effects than doing them yourself would. If I see my partner doing positive things, it makes me feel better and more committed to the relationship.
I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.
Relationship Minute: Gotta Keep It Fresh.
Not everyone is looking for a long-term relationship, but most people who are in committed relationships are interested in keeping love alive for the duration. If everyone could afford regular romantic getaways, it might be easier. And if our time, money and energy weren’t already dedicated to carrying out our busy lives, we might have more of it for planning romantic evenings, giving thoughtful gifts and maintaining a robust sex life. The truth is that most of us have limited funds and other demands on our time and money that make it hard to prioritize quality time with our significant others.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to bring a renewed sense of vitality to your relationship that don’t involve spending large chunks of your savings or your time. Experts agree that a healthy sex life is key, with good communication the hand that turns it. Here are five positive ways to nurture these aspects of your relationship and keep the home fires burning.
5. Mind Your Manners.
What’s that old saying — “Familiarity breeds contempt”? This may be true for some, but more often, familiarity makes people take each other for granted.
4. Break Up the Routine.
no one remembers to commit tiny acts of love or express gratitude. Part of the trick to overcoming routine is to plan ahead, and part of it is being spontaneous.
3. Learn to Argue Well.
Some couples may be afraid to argue, believing that it’s a sign that they aren’t compatible or fearing that the argument will be the end of the relationship. Others use it as a prelude to passionate make-up sex. However, couples who know how to argue well find that it strengthens their connection with each other, and a strong relationship is a safe space for airing differences.
2. Maintain Outside Relationships.
At the same time, it’s healthy for couples to have friends they hang out with together. These friendships provide a way for a couple to be social together and explore common interests. They can also be a source of positive feedback for the relationship.
1. Grooming and Hygiene.
Remember at the beginning of your relationship when you always looked your best for each other, when not even a nose hair was out of place? Yeah remember that. Get back there.
I’m Hitch.
This Is The Relationship Minute.
Relationship Minute: When We’re Surprised Shit Smells!
What do you do when the person you’ve spent your life loving becomes the person you now _____________. We’re all grown enough to know by now that life throws you curve balls. Some of us are so use to curve balls that we’ve become great at hitting and or dodging them. What’s hard to realize is that this isn’t the natural order of things. Some of us have been waiting for a straight fast ball for so long when it comes we stand there and watch it go by. We wasn’t prepared for it although it’s what we said we wanted.
To use myself in this example: I find that some of the women I’ve date have been waiting for a guy like me. When I come they freeze up, become speechless, and almost all of them don’t have a clue what to do with me. Says something about them. Says ever more about me. Says something greater about the men of this society. They’re full of shit. I’m fine with that, we all have to come from that and go through it. It’s when we don’t evolve into more mature men when it becomes a problem.
To the ladies out there with men problems, love doesn’t cost a thing. Respect really is just the minimum. He needs to know from day one what standards you hold to yourself. If not don’t expect him to show it on day 500.
To the men out there with women problems. Unless you can help lead her to a better space mentally. You won’t ever get anywhere in the relationship. Most importantly if you know you’re full of shit, just be real about it. Someone will accept your bs.
I’m Hitch.
This Is The Relationship Minute.
Relationship Minute: Tomorrow Is Different.
(This is dedicated to YOU)
In the words of one of my favorite artist Raheem DeVanghn,”You can have a big ol’ car, and a big ol’ house, but next to God nothing else amounts to a WOMAN.” There’s a woman out there that I appreciate. Her smile, her style, the way she dresses. Her lips, hips, curves, and thighs. Her sexiness, sassiness, and her intelligence. I woke up today and realized it was a dream. A very hard sleep, because it felt so real. I smile when I think of your sass, knowing that I’m your man, you can’t even hold in your laugh.
I woke up and it was real. Silly of me to dismiss it. I found love in a place some would say is strange. A chance meeting between two. This goes out to you. I appreciate your smile. Thank you.
I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.
Relationship Minute 