Relationship Minute: Commitment (Hitch Reality)

Today I learned a important lesson in relationships. COMMITMENT! My view of commitment is that we should only have to be committed to our kid/kids. It’s easy to say a couple of forevers before you know your mate is, or has cheated. I tip my hat to the very strong people who can get over their partners stepping out. You all hold this relationship stuff together for the rest of us. Thank you. To put it plain the very simple things that you know he/she won’t like. Come on man! Don’t do it. Especially when you know it’s not wroth it. It never is. It’s easier to say this is what I want and where I want to be. At least I believe that.

Commitment is hard. Sometimes we don’t understand how much work goes into it. It isn’t about how many years you can rack up. It’s a day to day recommitment. It’s vowing that on this day I’m committed to this relationship.

My writings should get better as I grow. Touch people’s innermost self if I suffer. Everyone feels something.

I’m Hitch.
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: FAMILY

Less than 24 after arriving home from my family reunion, I thought it would be a good idea to post some my new writings from the past few months away. My second thought was that it can wait. Reflecting on how great the experience of family supersede the thought of another personal relationship post.

What does family mean? Is it just being born of the same bloodline? I would say no! I have family that isn’t of my bloodline. That isn’t related to me in any way. Family is important. The question is who’s your family. I’m of the belief that just because you’re of the same bloodline doesn’t mean you’re family. Some of those bloodline members you don’t even know their name. Deep down I hate to have a negative very of family. However I can’t go against the reality of what we live daily!

Family strikes at the core of you. They bug you, bother you, and borrow from you. Yet family is suppose to be there for you. To uplift you when things are low, to stay loyal when other run out of your door. Sharpen each other’s dreams. To love, protect, and provide. That’s what family means to me.

I’m Hitch.
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Set Sail Again!

That feeling when the anchor of your past relationship has lifted. Ahead of you is blue water and white sands. Be hide you is muddy Mississippi water, oil rigs, swamps, canals, and byways. The transitional period is critical. You don’t just jump from muddy waters to blue water. You sail through it, and it becomes clearer the further you go. The dirty waters lightens up and becomes more and more clean. A cleansing of the mental, and the inner self. Nothing is more gratifying than when you take those first steps to helping yourself. When the sun rise, you’ll know your destination is upon you. Take this time to enjoy yourself. Allow your mental to wash off the bs of your past relationship. Be objective, be optimistic, be open. Your ship is about to dock. Have some fun out there. Go get em’. I see you!

I’m Hitch.
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Dr. Hitch 2.0

I hope the relationship world is on fire. I’ve been on a long and much needed vacation, part work, part relaxation. I am reloaded, refreshed, rejuvenated, and geared up for a hot summer, cool autumn, and cold winter. I’ve traveled around the nation, seen and heard it all (most). I’ve done a few experimental events as well as host some suit and tie gatherings. Of course my favorite one on one consultation. My WordPress family and friends have emailed me and the wait is over. Your doc is back.

Relationship Minute: Understanding Women Mind Games 3

3. The Relationship Stage

Selfish ways
She acts any way she pleases to see if you’ll tolerate her bad behavior or pushes you around to see if you’ll stand up to her.

What’s her mind game?: She’s testing to see how “much of a man” you are (how much control she has over you), as well as arming herself with ammunition for future arguments, in case you get mad and fly into a rage.

Mind reading
She expects you to read her mind. This includes her sexual desires, her favorite restaurants, what happened to her during the day, and every other little trivial thing.

What’s her mind game?: She wants to see if you care. She wants to know that you understand her feelings and listen to her. You are somehow supposed to magically guess exactly what she’s thinking, what she wants and how she wants it without her having to say a word. When, naturally, you fail to “just know,” she punishes you (often by cutting off sex).

Comparison to others
She compares you to her friends’ boyfriends.

What’s her mind game?: Women are always looking to feather their nests — if she finds a better deal, she’ll toss you aside and move on to her next victim… uh, boyfriend.

Crazy antics
She throws tantrums and generally acts unpleasant and bitchy.

What’s her mind game?: She wants to know just how much crap you’ll put up with.

Inconsistent wants
She indulges in contradictory thinking. She wants a manly man who takes charge, but who has sensitivity traits and loves watching romantic comedies.

What’s her mind game?: She tells you that she wants you to show more emotion, but when you do, she brands you as “weak.” This is yet another example of her keeping the upper hand in the relationship, by making you feel like she can be the one dumping you if you’re not exactly what she wants.

Get to work

So what can you do about all this? First, make yourself aware of the typical female mind games so that you can recognize them when they happen. Then, refuse to tolerate them. As soon as one crops up, put your foot down. Tell her you’re not a game player and you’re not going to put up with any mind games from her.
She might not like it, and it may sound the death knell for the relationship, but do you really have time to deal with this stuff? Your goal should be to retain at least some semblance of control and aim (hopefully) for a 50/50 partnership.

Unfortunately, these mind games are a reality. If women would learn to respect men and honestly communicate instead of expecting us to guess what they’re thinking or manipulate us, this would be a much better dating world. But it’s up to us men to turn the situation around.

This concludes the three part series. Checkout parts one and two.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Understanding Women Mind Games 2

The Dating Stage

Broken dates
She breaks your date at the last minute or doesn’t show up at all without a word of apology.

What’s her mind game?: She knows that the one being pursued controls the course of the relationship and she wants to ensure that you dance to her tune early on. Some women play this game to see how desperate a man is. If you roll over and puppy-dog it at this point, you might as well just put a collar around your neck.

Waiting time
She’s late or not ready when you pick her up for a date. Furthermore, this is a recurring issue.

What’s her mind game?: She’s trying to figure out how much she can get away with. She wants to be the one calling the shots; she wants you to run after her and wonder if she’s really interested in you. Furthermore, if she makes you wait for her, she sends a clear signal that she values her time more than she does yours.

Expensive dates
She wants to go to the most expensive restaurant, the most exclusive club, the hottest play — and expects you to fund the whole thing without a whimper.

What’s her mind game?: She’s aware that you know that if you don’t fork over the cash, you won’t have a prayer of getting her into bed. To make matters worse, she might even do this if she has unequivocally no intention of having sex with you. Woe to you if you’ve already proven to her that you’re desperate for sex — your credit card is going to be smoking.

No sex
She gets you hot and bothered and then backs off, or otherwise restricts access to sex.

What’s her mind game?: This is a perfect example of manipulation and exultation of her sexual power over you, plain and simple. She might also play this game to extract more cash from your wallet (see previous point).

Serial flirt
She flirts with other men in front of you.

What’s her mind game?: What she’s doing is testing to see how interested you are and underscoring the fact that she’s sexually desirable to other men (so you’d better toe the line).

Inconsistent wants
She says one thing, then does another. For example, she’ll tell you that it doesn’t matter where the two of you go or what you do, and then pout all night when you make the “wrong” choice.

What’s her mind game?: She wants to be the one finding faults with you, and not the other way around. Of course, there’s no way for you to know what the “right” choices are.

And for the finale, the games women play when you’re settling in….

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Understanding Women Mind Games 1

Let’s take a look at three different stages — Meeting, Dating and Relationship — to see what kinds of games the typical female plays. Over the next three days we’ll look into each stage.

“Do you think I look fat in this dress?”

When a woman asks you this, you’re doomed. No matter what you say, it will be the wrong answer. She already knows she looks fat or she wouldn’t be asking you the question in the first place. But if you fib and tell her that she looks skinny, she knows it’s not the truth — and she’ll punish you not only for lying to her, but also for noticing that she’s been packing on the pounds. She might even break into tears because, “You don’t love me for who I am.” Either way, you can’t win.

So why do women indulge in these silly mind games?

Well, for one thing, they’re women. And women think and react with their emotions, at least more than men do, in general. But it’s really about testing us. And tests are ultimately all about control of the relationship.

The typical guy is usually clueless about the mind games women play. But play them they will, so you’d better be aware of what’s going on.

1-The Meeting Stage

Sexy clothes
She wears provocative clothing and then gets mad when you check her out (“My eyes are up here …”).
What’s her mind game?: No logic here at all — of course men are going to look and she knows it. And when they do, she castigate them for their normal and natural interest.
Shallow initial contact
She’ll come on to you, flirt, even act sexually suggestive with absolutely no intention of going on a date or getting involved.
What’s her mind game?: She wants to get a rise out of you to assure herself that she’s still attractive to the men. Surprisingly, a lot of attached women play this game.

No phone call
She’ll give out her number with no intention of dating you. Or she’ll take your number and never call you.
What’s her mind game?: This is another bid for power. She just wants to reassure herself that she can control men with her sexuality.

Hard to get
She turns you down for a date or doesn’t return your call, even if she’s interested in going out with you.
What’s her mind game?: Sometimes this is simply a power play and sometimes what she wants is for you to chase her, to determine how desperate you are for sex. If you bite, then she knows she’s totally in control of the relationship and you’ll forever jump to the crack of her whip.

On to the Dating Stage, where things can potentially get worse.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Conditional Love

While unconditional love freely flows inside out, conditional love sets its terms and is directed inwardly.

Conditional love sends out messages like this: “I have done so much for you, so now you should do this for me.” Or “I need your attention, your sympathy, your consent, your time, your presence, your love.” Or “I want you to live your life according to my beliefs and ideas.” “I need you to need me, and to look after me exactly the way I have in my mind.” “And if you don’t do that, I will fall ill or become very unhappy.”

This kind of relationship is psychologically suffocating, and can be even physically suffocating, for the person(s) it concerns. It does not allow personal space to the other one. The path the other one has chosen for his/her life is deliberately surpassed for the sake of someone’s egocentric purposes.

Deep down hidden in the soul of the demanding and possessive person dwells a needy little child, longing for love and appreciation. Under the surface lies deep seated insecurity and fear of loss, especially of relationships. They have difficulty with experiencing self-love and self-acceptance, and the behavior they show is a great example of compensation.

Since claiming people cannot accept to be connected with the great inner source of love through the heart, and since they cannot understand that they were born ‘okay’, they need affirmation, confirmation and domination of the persons in their near surroundings. They want you to listen patiently to twenty times their story and accept that there’s no interest in one time your story. They need you to agree with their viewpoint and to act in accordance with their moral ideas about life. They will hold on tightly to present relationships, and show great difficulty if a child tries to break lose in living its own adult life or marrying a partner. They can lay strong demands on you taking care of their health even daily, no matter if you have your own family to look after. They may obtrude their help upon you, in return for your time and gratitude. And it will never be enough.

Damn! This was kind of harsh. It’s because I graduated from the fantasy long ago.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: The Flirts

You may be a fantastic flirt (or know one when you meet one), but have you ever wondered what type of flirt you are? People naturally fall into five different flirting categories. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to flirting. When you understand the underlying messages that a potential mate is sending, it can give you insight into the person you’re talking to — plus, if you’re attune to the energy you give off yourself, you’ll have the ability to change the outcome of the situation.

The sincere flirt
By and large, this is the most popular flirting method around. There’s no chit-chatting here — these knowledge-seekers make a beeline for your heart, asking deep and meaningful questions that yield the most information about you. Time flies with this flirting style, and before you know it, you’ve told the person you’re with all about the ex you filed a restraining order against and that horrible rash you have… usually before the appetizers arrive. Tip: While it’s great to discuss big-picture topics on a date, this person isn’t your therapist and sharing too much, too soon is usually a turn-off. So take it slow and leave your skeletons in the closet in the beginning until you know each other better.

The physical flirt
You know that woman who keeps touching your knee or hand when she makes a point? Or the slick guy who puts his arm around you as you’re moving through a crowd? They’ve mastered the technique of the physical plirt, an effective style for showing interest that uses lots of nonverbal communication and sexual innuendo. “These men and women tend to use their bodies to make connections, and when combined with the ‘sincere’ flirting tactics, it’s a quite effective way to fast-track a romance — and make it last — because they’re combining meaningful conversation with the association of touch. They see flirting as a means to an end. Just remember, people tend to perceive this type of flirt as a player, so keep your radar up with this one until you know each other better.

The traditional flirt
If you’re a female traditional flirt, you wouldn’t dare make the first move, and if you’re her male counterpart, that would be a deal-breaker, anyway. These types of flirts are married to stereotypical gender roles, so the men enjoy being the pursuer while the women kick back and wait to be wooed. With these personalities, the men initiate and plan the date (over the phone, not via text message), pick their lady up and pay for dinner. But while it’s OK for the guy to do all the chasing in the beginning, a little reciprocation can give him positive reinforcement to keep on going. So if he covers dinner, ladies, pay for an after-dinner espresso or pick up the phone every now and then just to say hello.

The polite flirt
This person moves so slowly that you might not even know he or she is interested in you. Days, weeks… even months can go by in between your initial “hello” and the first date — much less that first kiss. These are cautious, thoughtful daters who plot their every move. Not only do they find flirting and the dating process unappealing as a whole, but when they meet someone, they like to get to know that person slowly. If you’re a man, you won’t appreciate a woman who makes the first phone call, and if you’re a woman, you’ll be uncomfortable with physical affection in the early stages of dating. These flirts are introverted, quiet-natured people who tend to be shy. Therefore, you won’t find them belting out tunes at a weekly karaoke night. You will, however, meet them at the bookstore, coffee shop and through volunteer groups.

The playful flirt
If you find yourself in the presence of a playful flirt, stay on your toes! This type flirts for sport, not love, and there’s no occasion that’s off-limits for doing so. If you’re working the door at a lounge, they’ll flirt for free entry. Waiting for the bathroom? They’ll flirt to cut in line ahead of you. And it doesn’t matter if you’re of the same gender; they’ll flirt simply as a means of communication. There’s one caveat here: Because these types often flirt for attention or simply to get their way, it can mean they’re not really interested in the person they’re talking to. Flirting gives them an ego boost, even if they’re already in a relationship.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Lies Men and Women tell each other.

Men tell Women

“I’m only going out for one pint.” —Jennie

“I love you too.” —Candace

“I didn’t get your message. Must be my phone acting up again.” —Kimberly

“No, I didn’t check out the skinny blonde with DD’s.” —Codi

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” —Amanda

“I was listening, I swear!” —Katie

“You’re different from any other girl I’ve dated.” —Yuri

“I didn’t think it would bother you.” —Amaryn

“I left my wallet at home.” —Christy

“It was just one time and it meant nothing.” —Lorena

Women Tell Men

“We were just friends.” —Arianny

“Yes, of course I love your mom.” —Lauren

“No, I’m not mad at all!” —Ryanne

“I don’t think your best friend/brother is hot!” —Kathleen

“I don’t usually do this.” —Em

“I love watching football with you all day Sunday.” —Jena

“I’m ready! [Said as he’s on his way over and you’re totally not ready.]” —Angelina

“Of course I’m over my ex.” —Melanie

“Yeah, I know how to cook.” —Brandi

“I’m fine.” —Alyssa

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.