Relationship Minute: What It Feels Like. (LOVE)

Love is unconditional.

The word ‘unconditional’ means that there are no expectations or limitations set. To love unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most humans aren’t good at that. But true love really does love without trying to change the other person.

Love means putting other people’s needs equal to — or before — your own.

While people may be inherently selfish for survival purposes, this does not serve us well in relationships. If you don’t put other people’s needs at least equal to your own, they will grow resentful. Real love truly, genuinely cares about other people’s happiness and will go to great lengths to make people feel valued.

Love is the highest vibration emotion that there is.

Science has proven that emotions like love and fear have very different vibrations. They can actually measure them. Love vibrates very fast, whereas fear-based emotions (think jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, greed, etc.) vibrate very slowly. When you love completely and unconditionally, there is no fear involved. The vibrations of love make you feel good at all times.

Love requires attention.

Love doesn’t ignore. It doesn’t look the other way. It wants to be present and be together. When people are in love, sometimes they think that they don’t have to “do any more work.” But real love actually enjoys giving attention to another person. It feels good, and doesn’t see giving attention to another person as a chore.

Love understands and accepts differences.

Let’s face it: We’re all different. Even identical twins aren’t exactly the same. They have different experiences and outlooks about the world. Real love doesn’t make other people wrong for being different. When people truly love another person, they accept their differences.

Love varies in how it is expressed and accepted.

What makes us “feel loved” varies. In the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, he explains the different ways people give and receive love: (1) Words (2) Acts of Service, (3) Giving Gifts, (4) Spending Time Together and (5) Touch. It’s important to discover other people’s love language so you can understand each other and give love in a way that the other person recognizes it.

Love makes you feel good, not bad.

Many people confuse being in a relationship with love. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean there is true love present. If there is jealousy, possessiveness, constant fighting, abuse (verbal, emotional or physical), that is not love. Refer back to #6. Those are fear-based emotions and actions.

Love has empathy.

Empathy is the ability to put yourself into another person’s shoes and see a situation from his/her point of view. Love has deep empathy. “When you hurt, I hurt.” People who truly love one another don’t want to hurt them. They want them to feel good. They care about their feelings and try everything they can to make them feel valued and worthy.

Remember, love is happiness, appreciation and feeling good. Anything other than that is not love. If we all loved one another as ourselves, the world would be a better place!

Relationship Minute: What It Looks Like. (LOVE)

Love. It makes the world go ’round, right? Well, at least that’s the how the saying goes. But is it true? It should be, but so many people confuse love with things like jealousy or possessiveness. True love isn’t either of those things.

Love means letting go of expectations.

Sure, we all want people to behave the way we want them to. We want them to be more affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter. Or more ambitious. All of these things are expectations. Expectations are just your requirements for “acceptability” of loving someone. But true love has no expectations. It simply loves “as is.”

Love doesn’t play the victim role or blame others.

Love doesn’t think others are “out to get them.” Love doesn’t think their loved ones are wrong. Love works together. It takes responsibility. It forgives and allows other people’s actions to be their journey. Love doesn’t take things personally.

Love includes letting go.

Love doesn’t equal possession. Just as the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, then it never was.” There is truth to that. Love allows people their freedom. It doesn’t hold tightly and crush their wings in attempt to keep them. True love doesn’t want to possess. It is willing to set you free if you want to be.

Love doesn’t require you to continue a relationship.

You may love someone very much, but you may not be compatible with them. Or they may drive you crazy with their continued disregard for your feelings. You can still love them, but that doesn’t mean you have to be with them. Love doesn’t mean that you have to stay, and stay and stay. You can leave the relationship and love them anyway.

Love has no room for jealousy.

Like possession, jealousy doesn’t equal love. We think that if we’re not jealous of our loved ones that it means that we don’t love them. True love has confidence in the quality of the relationship. It knows that the other person is happy and content coming back to you and only you.

Love is the absence of fear.

You can put all emotions on a continuum. On one end, you have love. Then appreciation. After that, it’s joy, happiness, contentment and satisfaction. On the opposite end of the continuum of love is fear. Other fear-based emotions include, hatred, insecurity, jealousy or greed.

Love is not needing and wanting.

One of the things we try to teach kids is that there is a clear difference between a want and a need. Needing someone is a feeling based in fear. You fear that you can’t live without them, so you need them. And remember, fear is the opposite of love. Wanting someone in your life gives them the freedom to leave, but still shows them you love them.

Love is an action, not just a feeling.

Humans tend to be addicted to intense emotion — especially when it feels good. So, when we’re in love, we want to feel that way forever. But guess what? That higher than “Cloud 9” feeling goes away after a while. That doesn’t mean you don’t love the other person anymore, it just means that it’s not new anymore. So that’s where the action needs to kick in. Show the person you love them. Don’t just assume they know.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: 31 years and 1 day. (Life, Bullshit, & Relationships)

I’ve lived the subtitle of this post several times. The title however I can only live once. So how does it feel to be 32 years of age? It’s great. It’s awesome. Not completely where I want to end, but headed down the right street as I say. I’ve fought many battles to make it here. Life’s lessons can strengthen you at your very core, But they can also break you. I’ve learned so much throughtout my short time on this planet, and I’m still learning each day. I would be hard pressed not to thank God for keeping me, restoring me, and preserving me. For the vision is yet to come. I thank my mother for the sacrifice she made because I won’t ever be able to repay her although she keeps telling me I already have. My stepfather for crafting my inner man more than my outter man. To my family, friends, colleagues, and associates along the way. Thank you all. To the lady of my life. Thank you. No really, thank you! You have no idea sometimes but it’s really you, not me, you do it for me babe. Thanks. Last but most certainly first,my kids. “The scholars, karate kids, basketball players, baseball players, dancers, musicians, running daddy around town, eating all my snacks, wasting my juices, leaving stuff on my stairs trying to kill me, but love me to no ends kids.” I love you and I will continue to push you. Even when I’m fussing. I live my life by a simple format. I have an old school mentality with USB ports for new stuff. I have my Three C’s. Character, Conduct, & Conversation. It revels who I am, who’s I am, and what I’m about.

None of us, well at the very least no one I know is exempt from the bullshit of life. Most people have jobs, some attend school, have spouses, boos, boo thangs, and whatever they’re calling it these days. If you live long enough you’ll see bullshit runs down hill at a fast pace. It’s everywhere everyday in every way, shape, form, and fashion Literally! So let’s cut the bull and see it for what it is. Be aware of it, and rise above it. To those men and women who are full of it. (I once was!) just be honest with yourself about it. Let’s not pretend like it just got there when someone smells it on you and calls you out on it. Someone will trust me and you will then be forced to smell it for yourself and won’t be able to ignore it because after all it smells like shit!

Relationships are a combination of life and bullshit with sugar lol. There are different types of relays as I call them. But if you’re young and having fun, do you, Just be honest. If you’re in the middle I’m looking at you with some hope of seeing growth. If you’re older I look to you with expectation and Advice! I’ve found throughout life that advice is an extra set of eyes, a mental eye even. To everyone seeking life and relationship advice, nothing beats experience. Most advice is good because people come from all different walks of life. This doesn’t mean you have to follow it, but listening to it is key. You never know what street life will send you down.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Paperwork!!!

let’s talk about paper! (paperwork that is)
This goes out to the singles, and the dating. Relationship are tricky. The different moods, and attitudes. The day to day grind of the reconnecting, and the easy clear free single life.

Claims
Insurance, and court claims come to mind. I’m dumb founded that since the days of junior high that women and men still go around claiming other people as theirs. Some with the seriousness of an owner. As if they’ve created and/or birthed the person. Your parents have paperwork on you. Birth certificate, ss card, hospital records etc. Schools and employers have files on you saying you’re enrolled and employed there. Cars, boats, and homes have titles and deeds for proof of ownership, retail stores even hand out small pieces of paper to show proof of purchases.

So!!! How is it in dating that we’ve lost sight of the purpose of dating? What dating is all about! It’s courting for the old, hanging for the new, and looking for the middle. However, it’s really just suppose to be fun. It’s before the seriousness of things start. Relax, take it easy. I’ve learned something over the past few years. The thirst is real out there. Before you’re willing to do crazy stuff behind someone only to find that they were not yours to begin with. Dating is like a smooth yet strong drink. Don’t let the smooth taste fool you, Because things can become real ugly real fast. “Trust me, I’m a doctor”, lol. Get your paperwork together.

I’m Hitch.
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Baseball Is A Game, Love Isn’t (The side story) Part 1

Baseball isn’t that exciting. Some say “you just have to attend the games”. I do however love the baseball playoffs, as they’re very exciting to me. In general, sports are the fabric of my upbringing. Sunday football, weekday basketball, Saturday college ball, March madness and summertime tennis and golf. Some draw the line there even though over the past two summers I haven’t watched much tennis nor golf. Considering I’m a Spurs fan, I should have had a great summer but like the Spurs I struck out. Last summer I stood there on a full count and let the ball pass me by. Being able to dust myself off and get back to the chip showed off my mental toughness. I made it back, seized the moment, and I am the current champion. However in real life I lost. I loss her. I spent so much time focusing on my goals that I neglected to care about what she really wanted. Not to mention the other things that come with being a champion. Fame, money, and women. The way you handle it will determine if she’ll be in the house with you, or if you’ll be in the big ass house alone. I’m writing but I can hear my echo. Because it’s just me. I f-/-ED up!

That’s it for now.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: There Are No SECRET!

What’s the secret to staying head-over-heels in love for the long haul? There are no secrets. I’ve asked many couples across this country about their longevity. Some answers are the same, however most of the answers are different. It’s about what works for you and being able to communicate that. I believe the following strategies to preserve (or improve) your bond:

Openness in all communications between both partners.

Engaging in open communication — i.e., talking about your feelings and encouraging your partner to do the same. Openness define as “conversational self-disclosure” between both partners. During relationship initiation, openness could mean disclosing personal information about yourself or being supportive when your partner does. For couples who have been together for years, it may mean talking about how the relationship has changed.

Approaching every issue from a place of positivity.

The idea that a cheerful smile or playful jab trumps an exasperated sigh is actually true. Rather than saying, ‘I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to put the toothpaste cap back on,’ take a fun or silly approach by putting a sticky note by the toothpaste that says, “Help! I’ve lost my cap.” It’s the playful approach and the positivity in your tone that makes a difference in how your partner perceives your actions. Having a positive outlook helps.

Mutual assurances about spending the future together.

Couples who aren’t married still appreciate knowing their relationship has staying power. Assurance means inspiring confidence in your partner that you’re going to stick around, make plans together. If you plan a vacation, you’re basically indicating that you’re not going to run away between now and when that trip will occur.

Equable division of household chores both partners can agree on.

Although divvying up household responsibilities mostly affects couples who live together, those who plan to cohabitate in the future should discuss what they think is fair when it comes to doing dishes and taking out the trash. Each partner’s perception of this strategy is important to his or her satisfaction and to the quality of the relationship.

Nurturing a shared social network.

Your brother-in-law may be the most annoying person you know, but inviting him to dinner shows that you still care — and that’s a gesture that’s more thoughtful than even the biggest bouquet of roses. Calling your partner’s in-laws, inviting his or her coworkers to dinner or asking family members for gift suggestions for your honey are all good ways to integrate your social lives.

Appreciating your partner’s efforts to keep the relationship going strong is essential.

Appreciating your partner’s efforts is essential for maintaining a happy relationship. Seeing your partner devote the time and energy to making these efforts may have even stronger positive effects than doing them yourself would. If I see my partner doing positive things, it makes me feel better and more committed to the relationship.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Set Sail Again!

That feeling when the anchor of your past relationship has lifted. Ahead of you is blue water and white sands. Be hide you is muddy Mississippi water, oil rigs, swamps, canals, and byways. The transitional period is critical. You don’t just jump from muddy waters to blue water. You sail through it, and it becomes clearer the further you go. The dirty waters lightens up and becomes more and more clean. A cleansing of the mental, and the inner self. Nothing is more gratifying than when you take those first steps to helping yourself. When the sun rise, you’ll know your destination is upon you. Take this time to enjoy yourself. Allow your mental to wash off the bs of your past relationship. Be objective, be optimistic, be open. Your ship is about to dock. Have some fun out there. Go get em’. I see you!

I’m Hitch.
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Dr. Hitch 2.0

I hope the relationship world is on fire. I’ve been on a long and much needed vacation, part work, part relaxation. I am reloaded, refreshed, rejuvenated, and geared up for a hot summer, cool autumn, and cold winter. I’ve traveled around the nation, seen and heard it all (most). I’ve done a few experimental events as well as host some suit and tie gatherings. Of course my favorite one on one consultation. My WordPress family and friends have emailed me and the wait is over. Your doc is back.

Relationship Minute: Understanding Women Mind Games 3

3. The Relationship Stage

Selfish ways
She acts any way she pleases to see if you’ll tolerate her bad behavior or pushes you around to see if you’ll stand up to her.

What’s her mind game?: She’s testing to see how “much of a man” you are (how much control she has over you), as well as arming herself with ammunition for future arguments, in case you get mad and fly into a rage.

Mind reading
She expects you to read her mind. This includes her sexual desires, her favorite restaurants, what happened to her during the day, and every other little trivial thing.

What’s her mind game?: She wants to see if you care. She wants to know that you understand her feelings and listen to her. You are somehow supposed to magically guess exactly what she’s thinking, what she wants and how she wants it without her having to say a word. When, naturally, you fail to “just know,” she punishes you (often by cutting off sex).

Comparison to others
She compares you to her friends’ boyfriends.

What’s her mind game?: Women are always looking to feather their nests — if she finds a better deal, she’ll toss you aside and move on to her next victim… uh, boyfriend.

Crazy antics
She throws tantrums and generally acts unpleasant and bitchy.

What’s her mind game?: She wants to know just how much crap you’ll put up with.

Inconsistent wants
She indulges in contradictory thinking. She wants a manly man who takes charge, but who has sensitivity traits and loves watching romantic comedies.

What’s her mind game?: She tells you that she wants you to show more emotion, but when you do, she brands you as “weak.” This is yet another example of her keeping the upper hand in the relationship, by making you feel like she can be the one dumping you if you’re not exactly what she wants.

Get to work

So what can you do about all this? First, make yourself aware of the typical female mind games so that you can recognize them when they happen. Then, refuse to tolerate them. As soon as one crops up, put your foot down. Tell her you’re not a game player and you’re not going to put up with any mind games from her.
She might not like it, and it may sound the death knell for the relationship, but do you really have time to deal with this stuff? Your goal should be to retain at least some semblance of control and aim (hopefully) for a 50/50 partnership.

Unfortunately, these mind games are a reality. If women would learn to respect men and honestly communicate instead of expecting us to guess what they’re thinking or manipulate us, this would be a much better dating world. But it’s up to us men to turn the situation around.

This concludes the three part series. Checkout parts one and two.

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.

Relationship Minute: Understanding Women Mind Games 2

The Dating Stage

Broken dates
She breaks your date at the last minute or doesn’t show up at all without a word of apology.

What’s her mind game?: She knows that the one being pursued controls the course of the relationship and she wants to ensure that you dance to her tune early on. Some women play this game to see how desperate a man is. If you roll over and puppy-dog it at this point, you might as well just put a collar around your neck.

Waiting time
She’s late or not ready when you pick her up for a date. Furthermore, this is a recurring issue.

What’s her mind game?: She’s trying to figure out how much she can get away with. She wants to be the one calling the shots; she wants you to run after her and wonder if she’s really interested in you. Furthermore, if she makes you wait for her, she sends a clear signal that she values her time more than she does yours.

Expensive dates
She wants to go to the most expensive restaurant, the most exclusive club, the hottest play — and expects you to fund the whole thing without a whimper.

What’s her mind game?: She’s aware that you know that if you don’t fork over the cash, you won’t have a prayer of getting her into bed. To make matters worse, she might even do this if she has unequivocally no intention of having sex with you. Woe to you if you’ve already proven to her that you’re desperate for sex — your credit card is going to be smoking.

No sex
She gets you hot and bothered and then backs off, or otherwise restricts access to sex.

What’s her mind game?: This is a perfect example of manipulation and exultation of her sexual power over you, plain and simple. She might also play this game to extract more cash from your wallet (see previous point).

Serial flirt
She flirts with other men in front of you.

What’s her mind game?: What she’s doing is testing to see how interested you are and underscoring the fact that she’s sexually desirable to other men (so you’d better toe the line).

Inconsistent wants
She says one thing, then does another. For example, she’ll tell you that it doesn’t matter where the two of you go or what you do, and then pout all night when you make the “wrong” choice.

What’s her mind game?: She wants to be the one finding faults with you, and not the other way around. Of course, there’s no way for you to know what the “right” choices are.

And for the finale, the games women play when you’re settling in….

I’m Hitch
This Is The Relationship Minute.